


15x08 coda

by CassetteCastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fighting, M/M, purgaytory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:55:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21916369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassetteCastiel/pseuds/CassetteCastiel
Summary: coda of 15x08, Dean and Cas in purgatory.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 30





	15x08 coda

“Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?”  
As he spoke them, Dean wanted to slap his hand over his mouth to hold the words in. he didn’t mean that. He always hates himself when he does this; he gets so angry and so irrational and he directs his stupid rage at the nearest person, object or bottle of whiskey. Sure, he wasn’t happy Cas changed the plan on the fly, but he knows in his gut that whatever Cas did, it was the right thing. Cas saved the friggin world. Again. But Dean just had to be a dick about it. Again. 

“You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt. Now you can barely look at me. My powers are failing, and I've tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don't want to hear it. You don't care. I'm dead to you. You still blame me for Mary. Well, I don't think there's anything left to say.”  
After everything. Everything Castiel sacrificed, after everything they’ve been through together, Dean still doesn’t give a shit. He refuses to acknowledge Castiel for any more than a useful tool, He is not a friend, he is not ‘family’, and he certainly is not a lover (as hopeful that he is that Dean will wake up and smell the damn roses). But now, he’s not even sure he wants that anymore. Since the day he laid a hand on Dean in hell, he was lost, he had already fallen both literally and figuratively. And yet, Dean doesn’t see it, or just doesn’t care. 

“Where you going?”  
Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Great job, winchester. You’ve done it again, you’ve driven off your closest friend, your family, the love of your life. Again. Dipshit. And he’s not coming back this time.

“Jack's dead. Chuck's gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it's time for me to move on.”  
He honestly doesn’t know where the hell he’s going. As far away from here as possible though would be nice. He’d rather not be around for Dean’s little pity party he’s gonna throw himself. 

\----------------------

It’s been four hours in purgatory so far and Dean has never been more scared in his entire life than he is right now. He’s bleeding, not quite sure from where exactly, but he does know that it’s his blood on his hands and shirt. He’s following Cas into the stream of water to was the leviathan goo off themselves before they continue their search for some dumb ass flower.  
Cas washes quickly and silently, not sparing a glance at Dean for even a second. Dean knows because all he’s been doing is watching Cas (no doubt with puppy eyes he subconsciously picked up from Sam). for a minute, Dean rips his eyes away from Cas to look around. He recognizes this spot. And his heart almost falls through his stomach and out his ass.  
“Hey Cas?” he tries  
“What.” his tone is vicious. Almost as cold as the water Dean is ankle deep in right now.  
“Um.. well I was just gonna ask you if you remember this spot. Well, technically that spot, over by that tree?” His heart feels like it’s beating a million miles a minute, he thinks he might throw up, depending on the answer.  
Cas doesn’t even look up from where he’s cleaning blood and guts from under his fingernails.  
“No.”  
And yep, there it is, Dean’s stomach drops, and he’s about to cry and puke and fall down on his knees and beg Cas to forgive him but instead, like a man, he says  
“Are you sure? Because I seem to remember it pretty well.”  
“Are you sure? Because last I remember, purgatory has a history of fucking with your memory recall.”  
Ouch. Cas is still really fucking pissed at him.  
Alright, now or never, Winchester.  
“Well I really only remember it cuz it was the place I realized I loved you for the first time.”

Cas whips his head up and glares at Dean. “What did you just say?”  
it’s icy now. Dean feels terrified to wade through this mess, but fuck, if he doesn’t do it now, he’ll regret it for the rest of his life.

“I love you. I have for a long time. And I've always been too scared to say it because you’re an angel, you could never love a dirtbag human like me. But, Cas, man, I’ve been pining after you for the better part of a decade.”  
Cas stands still and silent for a long time before he blinks at Dean and takes a few steps towards him  
“How fucking dare you, Dean Winchester.” well this is a surprise. Not exactly the reaction Dean was looking for.  
“Since the second I saw you in hell i have been in love with you. I have spent years trying to make you see that the best I could and yet, you did nothing. We have seen each other die again, and again and again, but you never said a word. What kind of reaction where you expecting here, Dean? Hmm? Did you want me to fall into your arms and kiss you and tell you it’s okay? Because if that is what you wanted, you can fuck off.”  
Dean can feel the heat rising to his cheeks and the tears brimming his eyes. He knew this was a mistake. They should call it quits on this whole mission and go home. They can’t possibly work this out. They can’t keep living like this, it’s not going to work- Dean’s thought’s are cut off abruptly by Castiel’s mouth on his. It takes him a second to register it before he’s kissing him back, gasping for air and gripping his trenchcoat like a vice.  
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Cas. I’m so fucking stupid and I’m so sorry I put you through the shit I did.” it’s muffled by kisses but at least he says it.  
Cas pulls away completely, no longer touching Dean at all, a foot of space between them.  
“I am still unbelievably angry with you and it will take awhile for me to forgive you. But I love you so much. I’m willing to put it aside for today so we can focus. Do not make me regret this. And there will be rules. We will discuss them later, but if you want this to work, you will follow them, as will I.”  
Cas turns on his heels and begins walking up the little beach back into the trees. Dean quickly follows, trying to get close enough to ask if he can hold Cas’ hand.  
This is going to be really hard. But Dean has never been happier.

The rules  
No blaming each other for dumb shit (written by Dean)  
Tell Sam, Elieen, Jody, Claire, Alex and Rowena ASAP (written by Castiel)  
Sex with only each other (written by Castiel)  
No more dying (written by Dean)  
Say ‘I love you’ (written by Castiel)  
No starting another apocalypse without discussing it first (both)


End file.
